Feeling Lost in Life?: How to Gain Clarity and Feel Great About Life (in 3 Steps)

If you’re here, then you may be at a point in your life where you feel lost, unsure about what kind of life you really want to live, generally unfulfilled, maybe even depressed and frustrated.

We all desire a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to us, one in which we are achieving our goals and dreams, but the difficult is figuring out what kind of life we want to live, and how to get there, in a society that has become increasing difficult to navigate and anxiety inducing.

Some of us may also struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem and confidence, which are difficult obstacles to overcome in creating a great life.

The truth is, we already hold the answers to what would make our lives happy and fulfilling, we simply need to build the confidence, courage, and persistence to make it a reality.

It simply takes a bit of reflection beforehand, what can be referred to as gaining clarity on our lives. We will then become happier and more fulfilled over time as we start taking action.

By reading this article and applying it to your own life, you will be well on your way to better understanding your life and everything you desire to achieve and experience, and will have a strong starting point to begin feeling great about your life again and to get out of a rut!

What Does Gaining Clarity Mean?

Clarity by its very definition means clearness and precision of thought.

To have clarity on our life would mean to have a clear and precise understanding of everthing involved with our life: past, present, and future. Our desires and frustrations, our goals and aspirations, the things we want to experience, and what is holding us back.

As I mentioned in the article How to improve your self-esteem, gaining clarity on our lives involves different aspects, but its ultimate purpose is to allow us to flourish in our lives by first taking some time for self-reflection.

It helps to give us direction in life and makes us feel that we are creating a life that we want to be living and not aimlessly wasting away our time on this earth.

Gaining greater clarity on life involves:

• Reflecting on where we are currently at in life, the direction we want our lives to be heading in (our ideal life), and ultimately what kind of life we want to have lived

• Identifying the areas of our lives that are most important to us, and what we want to focus on

• Outline any aspects of our lives that make us feel unhappy and unfulfilled, and what is holding us back, so we can begin working on them directly

• Setting goals that inspire and energize us, move us forward in life, keep us progressing, and give meaning and purpose to our lives

These are all very powerful things to give thought to.

It will set us up for greater fulfilment in all the aspects of life that are most important to us, reinforcing a sense of purpose, drive, and energy into our lives.

Ultimately, we want to be able to look back on our life and say “I experienced and achieved everything that I wanted to, I lived a happy, productive, and meaningful life”.

This of course is difficult if we go through life never putting much thought into any of this, life becomes a series of tragedies and we have little control over our own lives at that point.

The truth is, we all have an idea of an ideal life that we want to be living, one in which we picture ourselves being happy and doing the things we really want to with our time. The difficulty is figuring out how to get there in the midst of the fast pace of life and the endless distractions we face in today’s world, which all contributes to feelings of anxiety, lack of fulfilment, and the constant search for greater happiness.

But by going through this process and staying true to it you will have set yourself up to whether the storm of life, keeping you anchored to what you really want to be doing with your life and what is meaningful to you, gradually increasing your happiness and excitement for life amidst temporary feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment.

So, let’s begin!

How to Get Clarity on Your Life

To gain total clarity on our lives, we need to consider all the different individual areas that make up our lives, how they are contributing to our present mental state and circumstances, and how they relate to a life we can concieve as being “better”, and more desirable for us.

We can think of our lives as consisting of different areas, or “life domains”, which constantly interact with each other and influence our general levels of happiness and satisfaction in life.

They require balance and effort, as feeling dissatisfied in even one area can overshadow our overall sense of wellbeing, optimism, and enthusiasm about life in general.

Being unsatisfied about our social life, for example, can impact our wellbeing to such an extent that we become blind to our potential in all other areas in life, making us feel utterly demoralised and depressed, unable to generate the energy to do anything else.

Our mood and feelings created by this unfulfilment then perpetuates a cycle of low-mood and inaction.

Personally, I have found that if I am setting and striving towards goals in the areas of my life I have determined to be most important to me, and that match up to what I believe would make for a great life for me, then generally I will feel great about myself and inspired and optimistic about life in general. I will feel I am progressing towards things I have determined to be most meaningful and fruitful.

It’s no surprise really that we will start to feel “off” about ourselves and our life if we feel unable to and are not progressing towards what we want to experience and actually be doing with our life. We will start to dislike ourselves, and our confidence and sense of self will plummet.

Many of the reasons people feel stuck and fundamentally fear life itself includes depression, anxiety, and low confidence/self-esteem, but I will get into that a bit later.

So, here it is. These are the main areas of life, or “life domains” that are relevant to most of us, and influence our daily existence: –

1. Physical health

2. Mental wellbeing

3. Spiritual life

4. Finances

5. Hobbies, creative interests & activities

6. Social life

7. Family and relationships

8. Career and life’s purpose

You may not place importance on all of them, and you may have no interest in some at all, but it’s likely that you are able to identify some areas of your life that immediately stand out to you, areas that you want to work on to achieve and experience things with.

For those who view my blog and other content, mental wellbeing is one that will obviously immediately stand out. Who doesn’t want positive mental wellbeing after all? I will say that there is a positive correlation between this process of gaining clarity on life and our mental wellbeing in that we will begin to feel better about ourselves and more enthusiastic about life gradually over time if we really push ourselves to go through with it.

Everything I write and help people with can be distilled as ultimately helping people achieved greater mental wellbeing, and taking this first step is really essential, if, of course, it is a happy and fulfilling life you are looking to create for yourself.

And so now that the life domains have been introduced, the first step is the essence of it all. It can take time to think through it, and take as long as you need, but in my experience it is absolutely worth it!

Step 1 – What Kind of Life Do You Want to Live

When you think of your life, 6 months to a year from now, and even further in the future, what kind of a life do you really want to be living? What would make you happy? What would you regret having not done?

Despite how you feel right now, whatever comes to mind are things you are absolutely able and worthy of achieving and experiencing, with a commitment to yourself and with persistence.

I have been through some incredibly low points over the years, but at this point in my journey, it would take some serious doing to take away the happiness and fulfilment I am creating in my life.

The reason I can say that with so much certainty is having gone thorugh this reflective process and having attached real emotional significance and meaning to my life because of it.

Self-generating happiness is the key message here. Our happiness and fulfillment is best when it is generated from within ourselves and not dependent on external, ever changing variables. This is very difficult to master for many people in today’s world.

Like I said, we usually already have the answers within us, sometimes it takes a lot of thought, and sometimes we already have a good idea of what would constitute a desirable life, but the real key is to what extent we have clarity on this, how the overall picture matches up to each area of our life, and our staying true to it.

Think through the areas of your life mentioned above, and what you want to achieve and experience in each of them. This will begin to give you a picture of the kind of life you really want to be living and experiencing as a greater whole. They all add up to form a bigger picture.

It’s likely that overtime our concept of our ideal life will change, mine certainly has, but at the very least it is a useful tool to energize our existence and dispel any confusion, and is really the first step that needs to be taken to get out of a rut and to start moving forward in life.

A great method to brainstorm and think through this step is by writing a life script, which is simply writing about the life you want to have lived, what you are doing with your days in this ideal life, who you spend your time with, what career and job you are doing that you love, just detailing the various areas of your life and applying real emotional value to it.

I wrote a little life script about a year ago, and it has helped me to stay anchored to my goals and to stay on course regardless of any difficulties and obstacles I had to face. It simply helps start the process of thinking about your life and the bigger picture in more depth.

Once we start thinking through this, we can begin to match it up with specific areas of our lives, the life domains mentioned previously, and how we can start making positive progress in each area.

Living in the Present is Important

I just want to say a bit about living in the present, as a lot of what I’m discussing does involve putting thought into the future.

It is important that as well as considering and thinking about an ideal life, which of course involves thinking about the future, we also remember the value of appreciating the people and things we currently have in our lives, and to try our best to enjoy each day, living in the moment.

I know that many who are going through a tough time find this difficult and reject it outright, but in my experience I have found that appreciating the present organically begins to improve as my general satisfaction in life did.

The key is to strike a balance. To take the time, like I said, for self-reflection and all of the points mentioned, but to then enjoy the journey and the unfolding of our lives day by day, as our happiness and fulfilment increases over time.

Step 2 – What Areas of Life Do You Need to Focus on

After beginning to put some thought into the kind of life you want to be living that is more fulfilling and meaningful to you, how it would look and how it compares to your current life, the next step is to consider what areas of your life you will need to focus on to start making it a reality.

You will also want to consider what areas of your life you are most unhappy with and feel unfulfilled in.

Go through each life domain and determine which are most and least important to you. Write them down, on your phone or on some document, you can then rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, indicating your current level of happiness and satisfaction with that particular area of your life.

This will give you an indication of what areas to focus on and begin setting goals for, and which are not as important to you.

If you’re still unsure at this point, then that is completely okay too, at the very least you have a starting point and can continue to think about it for as long as it takes. You can be proud of that!

As I mentioned earlier, may have arrived at this post as you mainly want to begin working on building your self-esteem and feeling more confident as a person.

As my focus is ultimately on helping people to grow in self-esteem and confidence, and to flourish in all areas of life, you may have highlighted your self-esteem and confidence (mental wellbeing) as aspects of your life that you want to work on.

When confronted with obstacles to our growth, it can be incredibly difficult to progress towards goals in many areas of our lives. It is difficult to create a great social life if we struggle with anxiety and low self-confidence after all.

So, for some of us, we recognise that working directly on our self-esteem and confidence is a necessary starting point in bettering other areas of our lives, an admirable and courageous one.

As I outlined in my article How to Increase your Self-Esteem, your self-esteem and confidence will naturally begin to improve by going through the process detailed in this article, and through setting and achieving goals in other area of your life, but other articles in the blog will cover this in more depth.

This is ultimately how we build confidence and self-esteem, by taking greater personal responsibility over our lives and our own happiness, reinforcing a more positive sense of self, and renewing our excitement about life as we are going after what we want in life.

This helps us all better understand where we are right now in the main areas of life, and where we would like to be.  It helps serve as a roadmap for getting to where we want to be in life.

Now that we have begun to put some thought into the kind of life we want, and each individual area of our life as it stands and where we would like them to be, the final step is really about getting there, and gradually feeling better about life in the process.

Step 3 – Moving Forward and Getting There

The final step, after having thought through and analysed each individual area of your life, how they relate to an ideal life you want to be living, and having understood which are most and least important to you, is figuring out how to progress towards it.

Ultimately, the only way we can achieve things in life is through taking action, and the most efficient way of taking action, one which keeps us on track and continually pushes us out of our comfort zone, is through goal setting.

Moving forward in life doesn’t always mean having to set goals, and you don’t necessarily have to at this moment in time, as long as you are moving forward towards what you ideally want in life, then that is ultimately all that matters.

But setting and achieving goals is by far the best way to quantify how far you have come, and whether you are on track to achieving what you want in life.

Once you have outlined which areas of your life you would like to mainly focus on, and that are most important to you and your happiness, you can begin to consider some short and long-term goals for yourself.

These goals could be related to your physical health:

• Start a full body weightlifting routine, training 3 days a week at a local gym, losing x amount of weight/gaining x amount of muscle mass

Or related to a creative endeavour (hobbies, creative interests & activities):

• Start and complete a music or art project by x date, working on it for a set time each week

I personally find it best to have a goal in 3 or 4 areas of your life that you want to focus on the most, and the more specific you are the better.

It needs to be said that it is best that they are goals that are energizing, relevant, and exciting to you. They need to be goals that you will actually engage with.

These are just some basic examples, and there are many articles about setting specific goals on the internet, so there should be some good resources to get started with.

Setting and achieving goals very often involves courage and simply doing something even when we don’t want to, even when we feel unmotivated or anxious.

Going after them regardless of how we feel bolsters our self-esteem and confidence significantly, our sense of self begins to be tied to our internally generated actions and approach to life. We become more self-reliant and independent, more confident within ourselves.

It makes us feel like we are able to do whatever we put our minds to, regardless of our mood on any particular day. This is a key component of self-confidence, doing what we say we’re going to do, and building whatever skills and abilities we need to get there. It is empowering.

There was a time in my life, again, not long ago at all, when meeting new people and conversating was very difficult for me.

It was one of my greatest challenges in life.

I never explicitly made it a goal to improve my social skills, it’s a difficult goal to quantify really, though having great social skills was something I had always desired (who doesn’t right?) after having dealt with social anxiety for the majority of my life. The goal really was to have a satisfying social life, but I needed to build the skills necessary for that along the way.

Here is the critical point when it comes to overcoming social anxiety…

By pushing myself out of my comfort zone related to goals in other areas of my life, such as getting into boxing and krav maga over the years (physical health), I found myself in many situations where my people skills would naturally be nurtured and would improve substantially over time, regardless of how much fear I felt within a particular situation, as well as the fact that excercise contributes significantly to increases in confidence (especially martial arts – which I’d highly recommend!)

By infusing goals which are challenging and make us feel great about ourselves with situations in which we will meet new people who also have the same interests, we are tackling two birds with one stone: achieving our own goals whilst practicing and building our confidence and social skills.

The combination of feel good chemicals, by doing an activity that we enjoy, whilst meeting people in the process reduces anxiety and gives ua a great chance to practice our conversation and communication skills.

What we fear in a given moment is nothing but a memory of a moment in time, in your mind and in the minds of others. It was all worth the temporary fear and anxiety when I look back!

The purpose of goal setting for the most important areas of your life is really to keep you moving forward in a positive direction, and to generate excitement and optimism about your life and future.

You will start to be and feel more effective and successful in life, as you develop the skills and abilities required to achieve your goals, and the confidence it will instil in you. Your quality of life will improve and you will put yourself in a position to go after whatever you want in life, because you deserve to.

You’ve Made It!

You’re now equipped to really start creating a life that you desire and deserve, simply because you have begun thinking about many of the aspects mentioned throughout this article.

This is in my opinion one of the greatest things you can ever do for yourself, in service of your life and wellbeing.

It helped me to move past a very difficult phase of my life, and has given my life greater meaning and purpose. I hope it will do the same for you!

If you’d like to get in touch, you can do so by emailing [email protected], or by messaging me through Instagram @Live.Esteemed.

If you’d like help with this process, and to build your confidence, self-esteem, and to really see a positive transformation in your life, you can find out about my coaching and mentoring service by filling in my contact form, or feel free to reach out through the means mentioned above!

As always, stayed tuned for more articles and content coming soon, thanks for reading!